Yes today's athlete of the day is Ricky Bobby. This redneck hillbilly can make a lap around the track faster you can say "Shake and Bake." He's won so many races he can shit out Nascar trophies on command. Not only does he have a smokin' hot wife but he's also sponsored by Big Red, possibly the best gum on the planet. If you don't chew Big Red then fuck you.
Protected by the 8 lb. 6 oz. new born infant Jesus, this guy is the real deal. Even though he got the shit beat out of himself by a gay French Formula 1 racer and his arm wrapped like a freakin' gordita, he's still man enough to make your woman wring out her panties regularly. Yeah, that just happened.
We can all learn from this great American hero's wisdom and drive to be the best. He drives every race like he will never drive again. This trait was taught by his dead-beat father with a great quote; "It's the fastest who gets paid and it's the fastest who get laid. If you're not first, you're last." Sure he's the spawn of trailor trash but he also represents 90% of the Nascar fan base. Really ignorant and stupid. As a great family man with his sons Walker and Texas Ranger, anything is possible. Without southern people like Ricky Bobby, America would be.... well America would be a fucking awesome.
Another famous man from the south that Mr. Bobby made a great quote that we should all live our lives by. The late great Colonel Sanders once said "I'm to drunk to taste this chicken."
You guys are fcking gay
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